Nearly there!

Nearly there- just three more days and it’s the holidays! I’m both excited and dreading the holidays- I’m excited to spend more time with Little B, excited to get our house sorted to move and excited to be getting ready for my new job.

I’m also dreading hours of toddler tantrums and demands. Little B is at the stage where he can be both lovely and incredibly frustrating. He knows what he wants but he just can’t tell me, so he just points and shouts.

He’s want to play together but there are only so many hours I can spend putting a car on the thinking spot or eating plastic fruit- his play is developing but it’s still at the ridiculously repetitive stage. When I feel myself starting to bubble over as I get shouted at for playing trains ‘wrong’ (I have no idea what I was doing wrong but he was not happy!) I try to remember that it’s just a phase, one day I’ll miss these days, and if the worse comes to the worst I can always hide in the bathroom, he can’t manage round doorknobs yet….

The rain

The air hangs heavy and sweet
Treacle thick it fills the room
Clinging to bare skin

A momentary breeze offers relief
Bringing the scent of far off rain

Still and steady heat fills each space
Heads sore with pressure
Dust whipped up in the coming winds

At last it breaks
Rain hammers from sky
An oceans worth of water pours
Filling the bare earth
Dust pushed down
Like flowers we turn
Palms upwards the the sky
Mouth open to taste to taste the freshest water

All that is left is fresh and clean
Small puddles and the scent of rain


Prose for Thought


I’ve written before about my experience.of having a miscarriage. In many ways I was lucky- in general the care I received was ok, nurses and doctors were generally kind and my husband, family and work were all very supportive. But there were so many little things the hospital could have done that would have made an awful situation easier. The one time I was asked to wait for a scan in the same room as pregnant ladies excited about their scans, the lack of advice about what would physically happen when I miscarried naturally, the time it took to wait for medical management and the complete lack of follow up particularly around my mental health. There has been no acknowledgment that repeated miscarriages even before 12 weeks might have any affect on my body or my feelings. I was just sent away and told to ‘take it easy’. I felt exhausted for months and caught every bug going whilst struggling to cope with the feeling of loss.
I can feel fine for days and then suddenly, bang, the realisation that I just want my babies can hit like a lightening bolt.
Miscarriage might be common, but a bit if common sense would surely suggest that women need access to both physical and mental support. I just wanted someone to talk to. That’s why I supprt mumsnets #miscarriagecare campaign